In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
