I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
