Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she smelled like a LAN party
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
