So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
