when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
