So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
