Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
