Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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