I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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