I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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