Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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