well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
