I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
