You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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