She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
