I puked a lego.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize