i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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