Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
