There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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