I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
