i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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