Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
