She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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