On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she peed on how many people?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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