well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
