He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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