Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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