chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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