lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
