one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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