Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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