Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
