If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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