sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
