I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
