please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
