He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
