My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize