i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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