Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
