I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
