She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
