nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
