i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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