She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I just sharted jello shots
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
