New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
