dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
