hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
