Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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