I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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