I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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