dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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