is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
