I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize