so let's talk penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
