That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
