Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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