Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
