My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
