nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
