dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
