Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's never too late to be topless.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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