Dude my mom stole all your condoms
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's official drugs can't kill me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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