mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
