My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
