i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
