I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
