If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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