I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Are we still banned from the library?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
